Nights like tonight make me realize just how difficult I am when it comes to intimacy, both physical and verbal. I’ve never been around true love until recently, and I’ve never felt so connected with someone either until I met Brandon. I have such powerful emotions rush over me and push me to react on them, but I limit myself because I’m not sure how to go about putting my sexual thoughts into action.
Physical intimacy with another person is so foreign and radical to me, even though I can achieve it personally. I really crave someone who will finally be able to remove the barriers I have for myself and really allow me to reach the state I fantasize about. Or maybe it’s just me having to actually let go and just flow with it..But I’m not a “go with the flow” type of female in sexual situations. I always have to know or have an idea of where things are leading and what I/we’re trying to do and I feel as though that’s my greatest hinderance.
I’m a difficult mess. I want it, trust and believe, but I’m afraid to get it.